i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
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I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
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You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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