i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
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My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
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Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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