just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize