New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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