just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
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I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
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Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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