a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
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