i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize