Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
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We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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