haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize