I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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