cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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