oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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