She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize