Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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