thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
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i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
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You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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