8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
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Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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