we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
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you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize