I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
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I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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