i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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