so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize