broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
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