what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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