the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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