Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
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Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
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Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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