So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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