I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
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Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
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Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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