My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize