I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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