My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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