the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
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I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
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I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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