it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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