Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i think i scared a bird with my dick
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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