never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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