the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
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Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
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Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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