I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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