Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
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He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
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I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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