My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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