$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize