i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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