Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize