Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.

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(330): She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning. http://tfl.nu/zuj3

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(301): View more from Maryland

saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.

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(301): saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark. http://tfl.nu/xqm1

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(302): View more from Delaware

Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...

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(302): Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me... http://tfl.nu/1vvy

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(940): View more from Texas

The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.

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(940): The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down. http://tfl.nu/a74v

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(281): View more from Texas

Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.

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(281): Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing. http://tfl.nu/duvr

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(314): View more from Missouri

hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?

(636): View more from Missouri

Yup.

(314): View more from Missouri

Yup.

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(314): hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then? (636): Yup. (314): Yup. http://tfl.nu/bp2u

Replies (70) Good night (24748) Bad night (1733)
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(516): View more from New York

I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.

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(516): I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick. http://tfl.nu/gzhw

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.

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(978): he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted. http://tfl.nu/bshy

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.

(414): View more from Wisconsin

You're welcome.

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(262): Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits. (414): You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/kntv

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.

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(612): I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise. http://tfl.nu/awbv

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(509): View more from Washington

He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.

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(509): He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/dvob

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(954): View more from Florida

in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.

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(954): in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine. http://tfl.nu/pi7u

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(917): View more from New York City

Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms

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(917): Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms http://tfl.nu/vk6t

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(480): View more from Arizona

She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.

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(480): She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine. http://tfl.nu/3eun

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(303): View more from Colorado

I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.

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(303): I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell. http://tfl.nu/angx

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