wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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