we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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