i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize