What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
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Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
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Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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