I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize