She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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