I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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