One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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