Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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